The Author’s Guild and the Reading Rights Coalition announced a settlement today regarding the text-to-speech function of the Kindle 2. Every book purchased for the Kindle that has the text-to-speech function disabled will come with the author’s phone number transcribed in braille. Authors have agreed to read their books over the phone to any print-disabled reader who calls, as long as they have not yet gone to bed or are too drunk to read.

“Of course, some authors are too famous, like the President, or too dead, like John Updike, to participate,” joked April Foolsby, spokesperson for the Coalition, “but Bill O’Reilly has said he will come to any blind persons house and read to them for as long as he wants. Getting him to leave is another matter.”